He always does this to me. Right when I think I've got my life together, Joe comes right in and makes me fall back to where I have to start over again. Not this time. This time, I'm going to give something -- someone else -- a chance. And if Jay Louis doesn't work out, if Jay Louis ends up breaking my heart, well...well at least it wasn't Joe.

Joe who knows how to constantly break my heart.

And now, now instead of giving in to Joe (as I have the tendency to do) I won't. Right now, my priority is to not mess this thing up with Jay Louis.

I will not allow myself to mess this up.

In fact things with Jay Louis are going great. In fact, the only problem we seem to have is with me. Me and my inability to fully commit myself to him. There's no a doubt, but a fear, a fear -- the what if fear -- that keeps me from fully loving him. And he deserves a better me.

Just my luck. I meet a great guy who wants to love me and is just waiting for me to put down some of my guard so that I can love him back.